What I Have To Say

I was just picking up some papers from the top of my dresser & found a note I had written during Glenn's chemo.  Several times during the six months he was having infusions I had dreams that he passed away in different ways.  None of which had to do with the actual cancer.  In one of these dreams I had to leave to do something while he was having his infusion and when I got back the chair he had been in was empty & the nurses explained to me that he had had a heart attack & they couldn't save him.  This dream was the worst one and the one I remember very vividly.  It rocked me to my core.  I knew there were risks with the chemo & that it may not even be effective, but I tried so hard to keep my mind from wandering to the dark side.  My subconscious wasn't trying to stay positive.

On one of his infusion days I did have to leave before he went into the infusion room to run an errand.  I was trying so hard to keep the memories of this dream at bay.  I ran the errand and came back to find that he had just barely been hooked up to all the IVs & stuff.  When I walked up the nurse told me that I had just missed all the excitement.  My face must have shown just how terrified I was because Glenn quickly reassured me that they just had a difficult time getting his lines in.

That evening after everyone had gone to bed I broke down in tears and wrote this:

To this dark and evil cancer
Here is what I have to say to you,
This wife needs her husband
These children need their father
His parents need their son
His siblings need their brother
This world need a warrior
So many need this friend
Cancer cannot have him!
Cancer will NOT win!!

I am so glad his infusions are done.  I am so glad he is currently cancer free.  I am so glad he is still here with us.  I am so glad that cancer did not win!